**********
There are certain things that I know about myself. Certain undeniable truths, if you will. Things that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. For example, I’m a good cook, a decent writer, I would never be described as “a sweet girl”, I’m not wife material however I am a really good girlfriend and I’m an excellent mother. Just to name a few.
Let’s focus in on the mother-thing for a few minutes. I love my kids – as most parents do. I’ll be the first person to admit that they are a little spoiled and sometimes they get the line between “friend” and “mama” blurred. They don’t always understand that given a choice I’d rather be mama. They have enough friends.
I’m not an unapproachable mother – my door is usually open and my kids can talk to me about anything. It’s interesting for me because I have a 15-year old son and an 11-year old daughter so they have completely different issues and interests and I find myself constantly switching gears in order to accommodate them. One of the hardest things is trying to find a movie that the three of us can see together – last weekend we saw Usher’s new flick, In the Mix. It was a dumb story, but there was plenty of eye candy for us all.
I grew up in a house with two parents and seven children so there was not a lot of warm fuzzy one-on-one time with either of my parents. I try to give that to my kids. I try to give them opportunities and introduce them to new things. I want them to know that there is more to life than playing video games and watching Nickelodeon. They need to know that there is a whole world beyond the walls of our home.
My son’s Godfather is a professor of communications at a university in the midwest. He is always traveling to give lectures on a host of different topics. He is brilliant and I love him with all my heart – he’s been my best friend for more than twenty-five years. Anyway, next year he is going to Puerto Rico for a week for some academic conference. My son is half Puerto Rican and he’s always talking about learning more about “his culture”. (I used to crack up whenever he said this and my response was always, “Be quiet boy, you’re BLACK! That’s your culture.”) Well, I thought this trip would be a great opportunity for my son. I spoke to his godfather and he agreed. I’m excited that my son will be able to travel to Puerto Rico and I’m grateful that I’m in a position to send him. Guess what my son said when I told him this exciting news? He said, “I’ll think about it.”
You’ll think about it?
Now on to my daughter. This year will be the first time that I actually planned ahead regarding summer vacation. It seems that every year the last day of school comes and I have nothing for the kids to do. For so many years they would just go to the babysitter’s house and she would take care of their daily activities and I didn’t have to do anything except stroke a check. Well, they are both out of daycare I can’t stand leaving them in the house all day long, eating me out of house and home and burning up all the electricity. They need something to do.
I found this great summer camp for my daughter. It’s a Christian camp with a buttload of activities including horseback riding, archery and swimming. Naturally, I’m busting at the seams because I’m taking a proactive approach. I give my daughter the website address and tell her to check it out. What I’m actually saying is, “This is where you’re going this summer.” Guess what my daughter said after viewing the website. She said, “It looked pretty cool. I’ll think about it.”
You’ll think about it?
What the heck is wrong with these kids? You’ll think about it? What is there to think about? They are both in for a rude awakening. I have already done the thinking. My son is going to Puerto Rico and my daughter is going to this horse camp. They’re going and they will love it!
What is meant to be will be
Making Preparations
Monday, November 28, 2005
*******
Wanna hear something crazy?
I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend a few years ago. She is a smoker and out of the blue just decided one day that she would quit smoking. I thought it was great and she was doing really well with quitting – she even convinced her husband to do the same. Over the next few weeks, I noticed that she seemed kind of irritable. She would always say, “Don’t mind me girl, I’m getting ready to start my period.” Then I noticed that she had been using that excuse for more than a month. Finally, I said to her, “Debbie, you’ve been starting your period for more than a month … hasn’t it come yet?” She stopped dead in her tracks and thought for a minute. When she checked the calendar she realized that she was late and eventually confirmed that she was pregnant.
I always thought it was interesting that she decided to quit smoking well before she knew that she was pregnant. Almost as if something inside her knew that she had to prepare for this baby even before she knew there was a baby to prepare for.
I said all that to say this:
I recently refinanced my house and cashed out a nice percentage of the equity. I’m putting away most of it for my children’s’ education and I’ll make some home improvements with the rest.
So, I’m wondering if my subconscious is telling me to make all these preparations for my kids because something is about to happen to me that I’m not aware of yet.
I told you it was crazy. Don’t mind me, I’m in a mood today.
Wanna hear something crazy?
I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend a few years ago. She is a smoker and out of the blue just decided one day that she would quit smoking. I thought it was great and she was doing really well with quitting – she even convinced her husband to do the same. Over the next few weeks, I noticed that she seemed kind of irritable. She would always say, “Don’t mind me girl, I’m getting ready to start my period.” Then I noticed that she had been using that excuse for more than a month. Finally, I said to her, “Debbie, you’ve been starting your period for more than a month … hasn’t it come yet?” She stopped dead in her tracks and thought for a minute. When she checked the calendar she realized that she was late and eventually confirmed that she was pregnant.
I always thought it was interesting that she decided to quit smoking well before she knew that she was pregnant. Almost as if something inside her knew that she had to prepare for this baby even before she knew there was a baby to prepare for.
I said all that to say this:
I recently refinanced my house and cashed out a nice percentage of the equity. I’m putting away most of it for my children’s’ education and I’ll make some home improvements with the rest.
So, I’m wondering if my subconscious is telling me to make all these preparations for my kids because something is about to happen to me that I’m not aware of yet.
I told you it was crazy. Don’t mind me, I’m in a mood today.
Blessed by chele at 2:54 PM
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| Permalink |
Featuring ... The Romantic Princess
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
The Romantic Princess
You are absolutely in love with love! Charming,
romantic, and feminine are all words that
describe you. You are a huge flirt and know how
to use your feminine wiles to get your way. You
are always on the lookout for the guy who will
sweep you off your feet.
Role Models: Isolde, Juliet
You are most likely to: Free a cursed prince from a
terrible spell with a single kiss.
What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork (Original Music is BACK!!!)
brought to you by
Blessed by chele at 4:24 PM | Permalink |
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How the SWAT Team Helped Me to Grow
*******
Let me preface this post by saying this: I am notorious for being a person who can hold a grudge. I’m not proud of it. Really. It’s only been since I entered my forties that I realized how unproductive it is to carry a grudge. Life is too short and I just don’t have the time or energy to hold onto all that excess baggage. It saps the grudge holder of energy and let’s be real … the person you’re holding the grudge against probably ain’t even thinking about your silly behind.
About 100 years ago when I was a college student at Northeastern University I saw my very first step show. I was eighteen years old and it was like nothing I had ever seen. The Q’s, Kappas, Alphas, and the Iotas (yes, the Iotas) were royalty on campus. Let’s not forget the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha, Delta Sigma Theta and Sigma Gamma Rho. It was like a different world and when we all got together it was something to behold. There was a sense of competition but at the end of the evening we were truly all family.
Last night I had the opportunity to witness this same sense of community and family. The Brandon Middle School SWAT (Stepping With Awesome Talent) team hosted its first step show of the 2005-2006 season. The purpose of the show was to introduce the new SWAT team to the faculty, parents and friends and at the same time present other teams from the area.
Other teams that represented were Independence Middle, Plaza Middle, Divas In Action (Green Run) and even the little ones from Parkway Elementary School came out and did their thing. The show was wonderful but I’m here to tell you that when the students on the Brandon SWAT team took center stage they let everyone in the place know whose house they were in. These sixth, seventh and eighth graders came out and showed their natural behinds.
I am not being bias because my daughter is on the team – honestly. These steppers step with passion and precision and I was blown away. They’ve been practicing for months and their dedication was apparent. The constant stomping I hear coming from my daughter’s bedroom everyday was all worth it. Last night I was out of my seat and screaming, especially when I saw my baby out there stepping like her very life depended on it. And something happened to me when I looked across the auditorium and saw my ex-husband doing the same thing.
We were sharing something. I had actually forgotten that we shared something so beautiful—our daughter. That once upon a time we were in love and our daughter was an expression of that love. Regardless of the problems that we had in the past all that was put aside last night and we were just there for her. It was actually pretty cool. When the show ended I walked out to the lobby to wait for my daughter. I saw my ex and normally we would have stayed in separate corners, but I made my way through the crowd toward him and when I reached him he held out his arms and we hugged each other.
What the hell?
That was weird because it had absolutely nothing to do with us but it was all about her. We automatically put aside any animosity that we may have been feeling and totally focused on our daughter. You have to understand a few things: this man is not welcome in my home and when he calls I don’t answer the phone. (You don't need to tell me how childish that is.) But last night we hugged, talked, laughed and after the show he gave us a ride home (I live next door to the school so my son and I walked to the show) and I invited him in. Wow, I'm like a real grown up!
You’re never too old to change you just have to make room for the possibility. Who knows – maybe I’ll get an invitation to the wedding.
I wouldn't go -- I don't really think I've grown that much.
Let me preface this post by saying this: I am notorious for being a person who can hold a grudge. I’m not proud of it. Really. It’s only been since I entered my forties that I realized how unproductive it is to carry a grudge. Life is too short and I just don’t have the time or energy to hold onto all that excess baggage. It saps the grudge holder of energy and let’s be real … the person you’re holding the grudge against probably ain’t even thinking about your silly behind.
About 100 years ago when I was a college student at Northeastern University I saw my very first step show. I was eighteen years old and it was like nothing I had ever seen. The Q’s, Kappas, Alphas, and the Iotas (yes, the Iotas) were royalty on campus. Let’s not forget the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha, Delta Sigma Theta and Sigma Gamma Rho. It was like a different world and when we all got together it was something to behold. There was a sense of competition but at the end of the evening we were truly all family.
Last night I had the opportunity to witness this same sense of community and family. The Brandon Middle School SWAT (Stepping With Awesome Talent) team hosted its first step show of the 2005-2006 season. The purpose of the show was to introduce the new SWAT team to the faculty, parents and friends and at the same time present other teams from the area.
Other teams that represented were Independence Middle, Plaza Middle, Divas In Action (Green Run) and even the little ones from Parkway Elementary School came out and did their thing. The show was wonderful but I’m here to tell you that when the students on the Brandon SWAT team took center stage they let everyone in the place know whose house they were in. These sixth, seventh and eighth graders came out and showed their natural behinds.
I am not being bias because my daughter is on the team – honestly. These steppers step with passion and precision and I was blown away. They’ve been practicing for months and their dedication was apparent. The constant stomping I hear coming from my daughter’s bedroom everyday was all worth it. Last night I was out of my seat and screaming, especially when I saw my baby out there stepping like her very life depended on it. And something happened to me when I looked across the auditorium and saw my ex-husband doing the same thing.
We were sharing something. I had actually forgotten that we shared something so beautiful—our daughter. That once upon a time we were in love and our daughter was an expression of that love. Regardless of the problems that we had in the past all that was put aside last night and we were just there for her. It was actually pretty cool. When the show ended I walked out to the lobby to wait for my daughter. I saw my ex and normally we would have stayed in separate corners, but I made my way through the crowd toward him and when I reached him he held out his arms and we hugged each other.
What the hell?
That was weird because it had absolutely nothing to do with us but it was all about her. We automatically put aside any animosity that we may have been feeling and totally focused on our daughter. You have to understand a few things: this man is not welcome in my home and when he calls I don’t answer the phone. (You don't need to tell me how childish that is.) But last night we hugged, talked, laughed and after the show he gave us a ride home (I live next door to the school so my son and I walked to the show) and I invited him in. Wow, I'm like a real grown up!
You’re never too old to change you just have to make room for the possibility. Who knows – maybe I’ll get an invitation to the wedding.
I wouldn't go -- I don't really think I've grown that much.
Blessed by chele at 9:45 AM | Permalink |
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I Never Knew Lawrence
Monday, November 21, 2005
******
Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
To be able to look into your eyes and call you “Dad”
Now you’re gone and I’ll never have the chance
To get the details of yours and Mama’s romance
Ya’ll were never married
In fact you belonged to another
Sneaking and creeping
All just to see my mother
Was she just a booty call?
Or did you really care?
I was the product
So I believe these questions are fair
Damn Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
To be able to call you on the phone and say, “Hey Dad!”
I didn’t even know you existed until the age of sixteen
My stepfather was the King and Mama the Queen
Then you became the guy who planted the seed
Just my biological - besides you had other kids to feed
Then at nineteen more questions arose
Did I inherit his walk, his talk, his eyes, his nose?
Who am I
And who was he?
Mama set up a meeting
So for myself I could see
When you first saw me your eyes filled with tears
What had you been thinking for the past nineteen years?
Damn Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
Maybe my experiences with the boys wouldn’t have been so bad
I would have felt much better about me
And not felt so much shame
I would have believed in love
And not treated it as a game
Now the man I’m with belongs to another
Sneaking and creeping
Just like so many others
Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
To be able to look into your eyes and call you “Dad”
©2001 Michele Rene Matthews
Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
To be able to look into your eyes and call you “Dad”
Now you’re gone and I’ll never have the chance
To get the details of yours and Mama’s romance
Ya’ll were never married
In fact you belonged to another
Sneaking and creeping
All just to see my mother
Was she just a booty call?
Or did you really care?
I was the product
So I believe these questions are fair
Damn Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
To be able to call you on the phone and say, “Hey Dad!”
I didn’t even know you existed until the age of sixteen
My stepfather was the King and Mama the Queen
Then you became the guy who planted the seed
Just my biological - besides you had other kids to feed
Then at nineteen more questions arose
Did I inherit his walk, his talk, his eyes, his nose?
Who am I
And who was he?
Mama set up a meeting
So for myself I could see
When you first saw me your eyes filled with tears
What had you been thinking for the past nineteen years?
Damn Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
Maybe my experiences with the boys wouldn’t have been so bad
I would have felt much better about me
And not felt so much shame
I would have believed in love
And not treated it as a game
Now the man I’m with belongs to another
Sneaking and creeping
Just like so many others
Daddy
I never knew you but I wish I had
To be able to look into your eyes and call you “Dad”
©2001 Michele Rene Matthews
Blessed by chele at 10:00 AM | Permalink |
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Reason and Passion
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
“Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite” – Khalil Gibran (The Prophet, 1923)
I discovered the writing of Khalil Gibran about fifteen years ago. I was searching for a poem that could be read during my wedding ceremony. Instead I found The Prophet. Gibran’s writing is beautiful, colorful and vivid. It speaks to the deepest part of who I am and it all seems to make sense. And even though The Prophet was written in 1923, his commentary titled Reason and Passion is so relevant to me today. It’s comforting in that I am reassured that what I’m going through is nothing new. It’s also disconcerting because I realize that I’m still fighting the same war that I was fighting more than 15 years ago.
That bothers me. I am a different person now. Older and hopefully wiser but still caught in a struggle between reason and passion. As I reread Reason and Passion I come across the following passage:
Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.
But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?
The lover of all my elements. I guess the only way to stop this war is to stop viewing it as a war. To realize that reason and passion have to work hand in hand in order for me to be at peace. There has to be a balance between the two. How the hell do I do that? Normally, one carries more weight than the other. One is louder than the other. What’s the answer? Yoga? Meditation? Prayer?
Gibran goes on to say that:
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.
If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
We must be able to allow both reason and passion to have their rightful place. Because of my upbringing I have often viewed my passion as something negative. Probably because when I was younger my passion so often went unattended. Too many times I would wake up in the morning and say, “What the hell have I done now?” As a kid it is so much easier to ask for forgiveness instead of asking for permission. Now I’m an adult and I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission for anything but I am still accountable. I am accountable to myself and accountable to those who care about me. I recognize that my actions will indirectly (or directly) affect those around me.
For example, forty-one years ago a woman got involved with a married man. He was charming and said all the right things. This woman allowed her passion to completely override her reason. The result? ME.
Now, my mother repeatedly tells me that if she had to do it all over again – she wouldn’t change a thing. That’s nice of her to say. I know she loves me and is glad that I’m here but I can imagine the heartbreak that she experienced knowing that she would never live happily ever after with this man--her daughter's father. In addition, her actions not only changed her for the rest of her life but I often wonder if this is part of the reason why I have such a difficult time in romantic relationships -- two divorces in eleven years ain't exactly a good thing.
What is Gibran’s answer?
Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows - then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."
And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky, - then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."
And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion.
I have a date this weekend. My ex is taking me to dinner and then to a concert. It seems that he would like for me to enjoy intimate moments without being in an intimate relationship. I can’t do it and maintain my sanity. I know that now. The light has finally come on. While the gifts and the dinners and the limo rides are all nice – I need more. Not necessarily from him because we’ve tried that and it failed; and I won’t open the door to other possibilities until I close the door completely on him.
Clarity can be a bitch.
I discovered the writing of Khalil Gibran about fifteen years ago. I was searching for a poem that could be read during my wedding ceremony. Instead I found The Prophet. Gibran’s writing is beautiful, colorful and vivid. It speaks to the deepest part of who I am and it all seems to make sense. And even though The Prophet was written in 1923, his commentary titled Reason and Passion is so relevant to me today. It’s comforting in that I am reassured that what I’m going through is nothing new. It’s also disconcerting because I realize that I’m still fighting the same war that I was fighting more than 15 years ago.
That bothers me. I am a different person now. Older and hopefully wiser but still caught in a struggle between reason and passion. As I reread Reason and Passion I come across the following passage:
Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.
But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?
The lover of all my elements. I guess the only way to stop this war is to stop viewing it as a war. To realize that reason and passion have to work hand in hand in order for me to be at peace. There has to be a balance between the two. How the hell do I do that? Normally, one carries more weight than the other. One is louder than the other. What’s the answer? Yoga? Meditation? Prayer?
Gibran goes on to say that:
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.
If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
We must be able to allow both reason and passion to have their rightful place. Because of my upbringing I have often viewed my passion as something negative. Probably because when I was younger my passion so often went unattended. Too many times I would wake up in the morning and say, “What the hell have I done now?” As a kid it is so much easier to ask for forgiveness instead of asking for permission. Now I’m an adult and I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission for anything but I am still accountable. I am accountable to myself and accountable to those who care about me. I recognize that my actions will indirectly (or directly) affect those around me.
For example, forty-one years ago a woman got involved with a married man. He was charming and said all the right things. This woman allowed her passion to completely override her reason. The result? ME.
Now, my mother repeatedly tells me that if she had to do it all over again – she wouldn’t change a thing. That’s nice of her to say. I know she loves me and is glad that I’m here but I can imagine the heartbreak that she experienced knowing that she would never live happily ever after with this man--her daughter's father. In addition, her actions not only changed her for the rest of her life but I often wonder if this is part of the reason why I have such a difficult time in romantic relationships -- two divorces in eleven years ain't exactly a good thing.
What is Gibran’s answer?
Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows - then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."
And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky, - then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."
And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion.
I have a date this weekend. My ex is taking me to dinner and then to a concert. It seems that he would like for me to enjoy intimate moments without being in an intimate relationship. I can’t do it and maintain my sanity. I know that now. The light has finally come on. While the gifts and the dinners and the limo rides are all nice – I need more. Not necessarily from him because we’ve tried that and it failed; and I won’t open the door to other possibilities until I close the door completely on him.
Clarity can be a bitch.
Blessed by chele at 10:32 AM | Permalink |
| Permalink |
A Letter to My Ex-Husband's Fiance'
Friday, November 11, 2005
Dear _____________
I know this is totally unexpected and you may or may not appreciate the intrusion, however, I felt compelled to write to you ever since I saw you and *Black at the bridal show. The two of you looked so cute together – visiting each vendor’s table and picking up samples. I’m sure your ceremony will be beautiful. Your parents must be pretty well off. I only say this because after making at least five monthly child support payments (of which I get one) there can’t be much dough left for an extravagant wedding. Good luck with that.
Isn’t love wonderful? You must be so happy. My children say that you’re “pretty cool” and I’ll have to take their word for it – I know we’ll never be formally introduced. What do you think of my kids? Aren’t they beautiful? I will commend Black for not abandoning my son after our divorce. After all, he’s not his biological father but the only real father he has ever known. I hope that this is not a problem for you. And if it ever becomes one be sure not to act up in the presence of my children. Otherwise, I can guarantee that we will meet face to face and it won’t be pretty. Don’t let the light skin fool you, Boo.
One thing I will never understand though, is how your husband-to-be could have intentionally hurt his daughter the way he did. I’m sure he must have told you that he called her and said that since she acts like she doesn’t need him than he won’t be contacting her anymore. She was ten years old at the time. All this stemming from the fact that she didn’t call him on Father’s Day. They have since reconciled and they speak when the spirit moves him. They both seem to have forgotten my daughter’s tears on the day her father broke her heart for the first time. Rest assured, I have not forgotten.
Anyway, enough about the kids. How many times have you said that to him, huh? Anyway, here’s an unsolicited word of advice: keep your own bank account, girl. Seriously, I’m not sure what the problem is, but after we split I opened up a different account at another bank. I never closed our joint savings account and I just left the $5 in there to keep it open. Do you know every time the interest goes up another $5 he withdraws it? What is that about? Is he that hard up for cash?
I’ll admit that Black may have done some growing up and isn’t the same man that I once vowed everlasting love to. One can only hope. I mean he was twenty when we got married and he’s thirty-three now – he must be a completely different person now. I’m sure the two of you will live happily ever after. Hey, does he still pull that “Do you want anything from the store?” trick? You know, when he asks you if you want something from the store, you say no, he leaves for several hours and comes back empty handed. When you ask what he got from the store, he replies: “I never said I was going to the store, I just wanted to know if you wanted anything from the store while I was out.” That shit used to burn my ass.
Again, I’m sure he’s all grown up now. I’ll bet he never tries to compete with you or make you feel guilty because you have goals and aspirations of your own. He probably doesn’t take the bill money (that you’ve already written checks against) out of the bank so he can have “pocket money”. And I’m sure that he has finally gotten it into his head that the wives of his friends are definitely, absolutely, positively OFF LIMITS.
Good luck, girl.
Chele
I know this is totally unexpected and you may or may not appreciate the intrusion, however, I felt compelled to write to you ever since I saw you and *Black at the bridal show. The two of you looked so cute together – visiting each vendor’s table and picking up samples. I’m sure your ceremony will be beautiful. Your parents must be pretty well off. I only say this because after making at least five monthly child support payments (of which I get one) there can’t be much dough left for an extravagant wedding. Good luck with that.
Isn’t love wonderful? You must be so happy. My children say that you’re “pretty cool” and I’ll have to take their word for it – I know we’ll never be formally introduced. What do you think of my kids? Aren’t they beautiful? I will commend Black for not abandoning my son after our divorce. After all, he’s not his biological father but the only real father he has ever known. I hope that this is not a problem for you. And if it ever becomes one be sure not to act up in the presence of my children. Otherwise, I can guarantee that we will meet face to face and it won’t be pretty. Don’t let the light skin fool you, Boo.
One thing I will never understand though, is how your husband-to-be could have intentionally hurt his daughter the way he did. I’m sure he must have told you that he called her and said that since she acts like she doesn’t need him than he won’t be contacting her anymore. She was ten years old at the time. All this stemming from the fact that she didn’t call him on Father’s Day. They have since reconciled and they speak when the spirit moves him. They both seem to have forgotten my daughter’s tears on the day her father broke her heart for the first time. Rest assured, I have not forgotten.
Anyway, enough about the kids. How many times have you said that to him, huh? Anyway, here’s an unsolicited word of advice: keep your own bank account, girl. Seriously, I’m not sure what the problem is, but after we split I opened up a different account at another bank. I never closed our joint savings account and I just left the $5 in there to keep it open. Do you know every time the interest goes up another $5 he withdraws it? What is that about? Is he that hard up for cash?
I’ll admit that Black may have done some growing up and isn’t the same man that I once vowed everlasting love to. One can only hope. I mean he was twenty when we got married and he’s thirty-three now – he must be a completely different person now. I’m sure the two of you will live happily ever after. Hey, does he still pull that “Do you want anything from the store?” trick? You know, when he asks you if you want something from the store, you say no, he leaves for several hours and comes back empty handed. When you ask what he got from the store, he replies: “I never said I was going to the store, I just wanted to know if you wanted anything from the store while I was out.” That shit used to burn my ass.
Again, I’m sure he’s all grown up now. I’ll bet he never tries to compete with you or make you feel guilty because you have goals and aspirations of your own. He probably doesn’t take the bill money (that you’ve already written checks against) out of the bank so he can have “pocket money”. And I’m sure that he has finally gotten it into his head that the wives of his friends are definitely, absolutely, positively OFF LIMITS.
Good luck, girl.
Chele
Blessed by chele at 4:28 PM | Permalink |
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Three Things
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
In honor of my 70th post ... I'd like to share 3 things
I don’t understand
Geometry
Love
Chemistry (between two people)
On my desk
Photo of my children
Cell phone
Radio
I’m doing right now
Eating
Listening to the radio
Blogging
I want to do before I die
Attend NBA All-Star Weekend
Put $1 million in the bank
Lean to play the piano well enough to perform before an audience
I can do
Write
Sing
Make an entire Thanksgiving dinner from scratch
That describe my personality (from me)
Direct
Funny
Caring
That describe my personality (from others)
Serious
Evil
Unforgiving
I can’t do
Resist a man that smells good
Speak Spanish
Read a map
I think you should listen to
Yolanda Adams’ Day by Day
Your mother
Your children
I don’t think you should listen to
Liars
George Bush
Negative people
I say
“Don’t get it twisted”
“I am not the one”
“Whatever, man”
I love to eat
Catfish
Anything with cheese on it
Chocolate
I’d like to learn
To love again
To speak a foreign language
To play the piano well enough to perform
I drink regularly
Water
Coffee
Red Wine
I wish people would learn to do
Think before they act
Consider how their actions will affect their loved ones
Pray
I don’t understand
Geometry
Love
Chemistry (between two people)
On my desk
Photo of my children
Cell phone
Radio
I’m doing right now
Eating
Listening to the radio
Blogging
I want to do before I die
Attend NBA All-Star Weekend
Put $1 million in the bank
Lean to play the piano well enough to perform before an audience
I can do
Write
Sing
Make an entire Thanksgiving dinner from scratch
That describe my personality (from me)
Direct
Funny
Caring
That describe my personality (from others)
Serious
Evil
Unforgiving
I can’t do
Resist a man that smells good
Speak Spanish
Read a map
I think you should listen to
Yolanda Adams’ Day by Day
Your mother
Your children
I don’t think you should listen to
Liars
George Bush
Negative people
I say
“Don’t get it twisted”
“I am not the one”
“Whatever, man”
I love to eat
Catfish
Anything with cheese on it
Chocolate
I’d like to learn
To love again
To speak a foreign language
To play the piano well enough to perform
I drink regularly
Water
Coffee
Red Wine
I wish people would learn to do
Think before they act
Consider how their actions will affect their loved ones
Pray
Blessed by chele at 9:15 AM | Permalink |
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90 Seconds of Real
Friday, November 04, 2005
I’m playing this stupid game with my ex-boyfriend right now and I hate it. I’m not a big fan of playing games. I’ve always been very direct and to the point and the fact that I’m engaging in this dance with him is making me crazy.
We have decided to be friends.
I really don’t believe this is possible based on the fact that I have never been able to be friends with an ex. EVER. Why would I want to?
I also believe that the only reason why a man would want to be friends with an ex (if there are no children involved) is so he can try to hit it again. We don’t have any kids together. You figure it out. And then help me figure it out.
So we’re doing this dance. He calls me everyday, he’s taken me out to dinner, he has agreed to escort me to my company’s Christmas party. At the same time, we are very careful not to use the ‘pet’ names we once had for each other (e.g., Boo, Baby, Honey, etc.) and there are no more “I love you’s” at the end of phone conversations.
He’s offered to pay off an existing loan that I have so I can avoid paying interest and just work out an arrangement with him. He has even suggested that we look into buying a piece of rental property together. I respectfully declined because I don’t want to be bound to him like that.
All of this after we broke up. WTF?
Okay – so this is me being real: even though I vowed never to let him touch me again I slipped up. Twice. I was weak. It was good and I do not regret it. I do not plan on being his POD (P**** On Demand). I’d like to say that it was a one time thing, a momentary lapse in judgment, but I can’t be sure. Hell, I was in love with this fool for more than two years. Intellectually, I know that sex now is not the same as when we “were together”. I understand that and I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting a tune up every now and then as long as I keep my eyes open and protect my heart. Emotionally, it still feels like we’re a couple and knowing that we’re not is messing with my head.
We spoke today and he has this laundry list of things he wants to do for me. Again, I have to ask: WTF? I asked him why. His response: I like romancing you, Chele. Just go along for the ride and let me do this.
I am not a young girl. This is not my first time at the rodeo, okay? But never in my life have I had an ex pay so much attention to me and want to do so much for me after the fact.
I know I put it on him, but damn!
We have decided to be friends.
I really don’t believe this is possible based on the fact that I have never been able to be friends with an ex. EVER. Why would I want to?
I also believe that the only reason why a man would want to be friends with an ex (if there are no children involved) is so he can try to hit it again. We don’t have any kids together. You figure it out. And then help me figure it out.
So we’re doing this dance. He calls me everyday, he’s taken me out to dinner, he has agreed to escort me to my company’s Christmas party. At the same time, we are very careful not to use the ‘pet’ names we once had for each other (e.g., Boo, Baby, Honey, etc.) and there are no more “I love you’s” at the end of phone conversations.
He’s offered to pay off an existing loan that I have so I can avoid paying interest and just work out an arrangement with him. He has even suggested that we look into buying a piece of rental property together. I respectfully declined because I don’t want to be bound to him like that.
All of this after we broke up. WTF?
Okay – so this is me being real: even though I vowed never to let him touch me again I slipped up. Twice. I was weak. It was good and I do not regret it. I do not plan on being his POD (P**** On Demand). I’d like to say that it was a one time thing, a momentary lapse in judgment, but I can’t be sure. Hell, I was in love with this fool for more than two years. Intellectually, I know that sex now is not the same as when we “were together”. I understand that and I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting a tune up every now and then as long as I keep my eyes open and protect my heart. Emotionally, it still feels like we’re a couple and knowing that we’re not is messing with my head.
We spoke today and he has this laundry list of things he wants to do for me. Again, I have to ask: WTF? I asked him why. His response: I like romancing you, Chele. Just go along for the ride and let me do this.
I am not a young girl. This is not my first time at the rodeo, okay? But never in my life have I had an ex pay so much attention to me and want to do so much for me after the fact.
I know I put it on him, but damn!
Blessed by chele at 3:24 PM | Permalink |
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