I’m playing this stupid game with my ex-boyfriend right now and I hate it. I’m not a big fan of playing games. I’ve always been very direct and to the point and the fact that I’m engaging in this dance with him is making me crazy.

We have decided to be friends.

I really don’t believe this is possible based on the fact that I have never been able to be friends with an ex. EVER. Why would I want to?

I also believe that the only reason why a man would want to be friends with an ex (if there are no children involved) is so he can try to hit it again. We don’t have any kids together. You figure it out. And then help me figure it out.

So we’re doing this dance. He calls me everyday, he’s taken me out to dinner, he has agreed to escort me to my company’s Christmas party. At the same time, we are very careful not to use the ‘pet’ names we once had for each other (e.g., Boo, Baby, Honey, etc.) and there are no more “I love you’s” at the end of phone conversations.

He’s offered to pay off an existing loan that I have so I can avoid paying interest and just work out an arrangement with him. He has even suggested that we look into buying a piece of rental property together. I respectfully declined because I don’t want to be bound to him like that.

All of this after we broke up. WTF?

Okay – so this is me being real: even though I vowed never to let him touch me again I slipped up. Twice. I was weak. It was good and I do not regret it. I do not plan on being his POD (P**** On Demand). I’d like to say that it was a one time thing, a momentary lapse in judgment, but I can’t be sure. Hell, I was in love with this fool for more than two years. Intellectually, I know that sex now is not the same as when we “were together”. I understand that and I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting a tune up every now and then as long as I keep my eyes open and protect my heart. Emotionally, it still feels like we’re a couple and knowing that we’re not is messing with my head.

We spoke today and he has this laundry list of things he wants to do for me. Again, I have to ask: WTF? I asked him why. His response: I like romancing you, Chele. Just go along for the ride and let me do this.

I am not a young girl. This is not my first time at the rodeo, okay? But never in my life have I had an ex pay so much attention to me and want to do so much for me after the fact.

I know I put it on him, but damn!