I believe that there is a lesson to be learned in every situation. As I mature I make more of an effort to actually figure out what that lesson is. Especially when I walk away from a bad situation or if there is an unexpected turn of events in my life.

I’ll admit that it is not always easy to find the lesson when you’re in a stressful situation. It’s much easier to find a bottle of Pinot Grigio. However, when the dust settles and you can think clearly you are better equipped to look at things objectively without anger, hostility, sadness, etc.

The lesson that I have learned recently is that unrealistic expectations breed despair. Let me explain.

I expect a lot from the men in my life. I expect to be put first, I expect honesty no matter what and I expect complete loyalty. There are no exceptions and there are no excuses for falling short of the mark. I sound like a drill sergeant, don’t I? I’m very clear when I begin a relationship about what I expect and I am also clear about what he can expect from me. He will never come first, because I have two children. I will always be honest – even if it hurts your feelings. I will be completely loyal. Hell, I’ll be your number one fan, unless it interferes with my loyalty to my kids, in which case you will be kicked to the curb.

There’s a slight double standard going on here, I know. But that is the way it is and either you can deal or you cannot. Many cannot.

Unrealistic? Absolutely. Am I alone now? Absolutely. And, for the record: I’m not thrilled about it. I’m dealing but I’m not thrilled about it. At all.

I am great at rationalizations. But I won’t go there. I’m not great at the give-and-take. I’m also not going to say that I refuse to lower my standards in order to have a man. Well, actually I do refuse to lower my standards. What I will do is learn to be more understanding. Understand that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. I mean, when my ex questioned me about my feelings for the poet/stalker I told a fib and said that I wasn’t flattered. I never told him that I still carried the poem with me either. That was not being completely honest. So I’m flawed.

I won’t get all into my trust and anger issues (being married to a bigamist will do that to you) but I do recognize that I have issues. I also recognize that every person I meet cannot pay for the mistakes of one (or two). I know that my expectations should be more realistic. I'm working on it.