My way may not be the best way but it works for me.

I’m almost 42 (dayum) years old and the chances of me changing at this stage of the game are slim to none.

This post was inspired by one of the comments left on my last entry. The comment was made by West:

As usual, I think it comes down to balance: finding the right balance between trusting oneself and listening to input from others.

I thought about that because I haven’t found that balance.

There are people in my life that literally take a poll before they do anything. Before they go out somewhere, before they order something at a restaurant, before they make career choices. It drives me crazy. It’s difficult for me to advise anyone on anything because that’s not how I operate. I’m on the other side of the spectrum … I don’t ask anybody anything. I just do me and let the chips fall where they may.

My philosophy is: who knows me better than me? Therefore, who is the most qualified person to advise me on anything? ME.

I’ll be the first one to say that my philosophy is flawed. My philosophy implies that I think I know every damn thing and I know I don’t. I do, however, feel that I am the authority on me and no one else has to deal with the consequences of my choices so why should anyone else be involved in the decision making process?

For example, the first lawyer that I considered hiring when annulling my first marriage suggested that I stay married so my unborn child wouldn’t have to grow up with the stigma of having a single mother. I gave this attorney my ass to kiss and found someone else. I should stay married to a man who lied to me about having another wife in another city to avoid a non-existent stigma? I don’t think so.

An example of when this backfired was when I was 19. I dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents. My mother made a deal with me that I could stay home for a year and work. Whatever money I made at the end of the year, she would match and I could go back to school. I decided that being grown and spending the night at my boyfriend’s house was more important. My mother informed me that if that is how I wanted to live than I had to move out of her house. So I did. Stupid. Needless to say, I never finished school and I didn’t stay with the boyfriend either. Again, stupid.

Or the time that I walked out of a good paying job (that paid 100% of my health insurance and my daycare expenses) because I got pissed at my boss. How dare he not want me to do personal shit on his company computer! I walked out of that job and left behind a paycheck that my husband and children needed. Stupid. That was the last time (I think) that I allowed my pride to take precedence over my family’s well being. I learned a lesson but it was still a stupid thing to do.

There have been many times when I wished I would have asked for advice in certain situations. But everyone who knows me also knows that I’m going to do exactly what I want to do regardless of their input. That’s just me.