Do you (groom) take (bride) to be your wife – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?


These are the words that are generally spoken during a traditional wedding ceremony. Sometimes the words are “massaged” in order to accommodate the bride and groom. For example, the word “obey” was mysteriously missing from my vows. I noticed they aren’t in the above version either. I had a problem with that word back in the day. Who am I kidding? I still have a problem with it. If I were to make the leap again (big IF) I’d vow to love, honor and cherish.

There is one part of the vows that I did take very seriously and never would have dreamed of removing. That is the part about “forsaking all others”.

Others seem to disagree.

I’ve heard about the phenomenon of the open marriage and maybe I’m just an old fuddy duddy (I must be in order to use that term) but I don’t get it. I thought the idea behind getting married was that you don’t want to be with anyone else. The argument for the open marriage/relationship is that it allows for so much honesty and so-called “keeping it real”. Some women say, “Well, he’s going to cheat anyway. At least this way it’s out in the open.”

What?

First of all, do all men cheat? My mood on any given day will determine how I answer that question. (Sidebar: men have not cornered the market on cheating). Secondly, is this our only option? To grant permission for the cheater to cheat for the sake of keeping it real and being honest. Can you imagine?

“Yeah girl, he spent the night with Coco last night but at least he told me about it.”
“Dang, you gotta good man, girl.”

GTFOHWTBS. I mean, did it ever occur to you that you may have given a non-cheater permission to cheat thereby turning him into a cheater? People need to be held to higher standards. I can't see telling my man, "I know you're gonna do it anway so you may as well ... oh, and by the way can I pick you up some extra condoms?" It ain't happening.

If you are casually dating, do whatever you want. But if you have agreed that the relationship you are in is going to be a monogamous one why is it difficult to stand by that agreement? Are we so driven by lust that we cannot control ourselves? Is it true that a hard dick has no conscience?

I’ve come across a few married grown folks that have my space pages where they state their status as single. I know one woman who is married and although she is a one-man-woman, she finds other women to bring into the marriage.

I can’t even explain why stories like this depress the hell out of me. I guess I’m just an old-fashioned girl. Why bother to get married if you have no intentions of being faithful?

I can’t get down with the concept of open marriage or an open relationship. I’m proprietary. Not stifling but I’m a firm believer in what’s mine is mine and if I’m introducing you as mine then nobody else better be able to make the same claim. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not trying to brand a brotha after a few dates. But once we reach an agreement regarding exclusivity I’m going to stick with it. I’ve very clear about that. I’m a whole lotta woman, but not enough to divide the pie (ala Erykah Badu). If you are with me than you can be sure that you are the only one. If you cannot get with that than please keep it moving and do not waste my time.