Seriously, this is not a good time to write. It's after 11:00 p.m. and I am in the middle of a serious mood swing. But ... since I'm up and I'm here I may as well jot a few things down.
I had dance class tonight and since I'm in such a rotten mood I danced my way through it and I worked up a such a sweat and everyone was like, "What has gotten into you? You are really moving tonight!" I should be pissy more often.
My sister and I stopped for a few drinks after class and we talked about a lot of stuff. I talked about my daughter and she talked about her husband. My daughter won't talk to me ... she won't let me in and it pisses me off. I shouldn't let it bother me because as I recall I was the same way with my mother. The difference is, however, that my mother never opened the door for us to talk to her and I am constantly telling my kids, "You can talk to me about anything." Aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggg! My baby is very talented. No really, she is. She dances, she steps, she sings ... she just can't keep her room clean. Anyway, she decided to participate in the school talent show tonight. She didn't even tell me about the show until rehearsals started and then she wouldn't let me help her decide on what she should do or anything. She wanted to do it all herself. I ain't mad at her because I'm the same way but damn ...
The show turned out well. She did well. She sang "I'm Going Down" by MJB and she did an awesome job but afterwards she was all teary eyed because, in her words, "my voice cracked and I heard people laughing at me" and she broke down in tears. Dammit!!!!! That wasn't the case at all ... the auditorium was filled with a bunch of middle-schoolers who were carrying on their own conversations and so forth ... at one point my sister had to cuss out some kids for talking during my daughter's performance. That was funny as hell. She did such a good job and walked away in tears. I know if she would have let me help her prepare it wouldn't have turned out that way ... I guess this is one of those things that she had to go through. I don't know. I hate to see her sad but I don't know how to convince her that it is okay to ask me for help.
I wish I could get through this mood swing. I have been feeling this way all week. This is a bad one. I'm tense. I'm tired. I'm irritable. I'm just being a royal bitch to everyone. It's horrible and I hate this. Getting old is no fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah ... forty is fabulous and all that shit but right now I just want my peace back.
Thanks for listening.
What is meant to be will be
The Truth About Being In Your 40s
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Blessed by chele at 11:10 PM
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