In an attempt to give our children a ‘better life’ than we had, how do we avoid spoiling them in the process?
Yesterday, I went to the store and bought yet another DVD for my son. Since new movies come out on Tuesdays he usually puts in a request for something new. I don’t get one every Tuesday, maybe one every other month. I also picked up on for myself (‘G’ with my future husband, Ri.ch.ard T. Jo.ne.s).
As I walked out of the store, $51 poorer, I wondered to myself … am I spoiling these kids too much?
Did he really need this DVD? No. Hell, did I need the one I bought for myself? No. But I have a job.
I thought about my own childhood. We didn’t have a lot. We had a roof over our heads and we wore clean clothes everyday … sometimes new, sometimes handed down from one of my mother’s friends’ kids. But they were clean and neat. I don’t remember having more than one or two pairs of shoes (tennis shoes and church shoes). We had a hot meal everyday since my dad worked second shift and he had to eat before he went to work so he cooked every single night. I didn’t have as much as some of the other kids but I never felt like I was lacking.
My kids, on the other hand, are a whole different story. Every time I turn around it’s something else. My son told me this morning that he wanted a laptop! He did say that when he gets a job this summer he would try to save up to buy one – which shocked the hell outta me. He’s been complaining about having to get a job since I sprung it on him last summer. The complaints have stopped and reality has set in. He’ll be 16, has an appetite like a grown man and wears a size 11-1/2 shoe and he’s still growing. He NEEDS a job.
In some ways I think my kids are spoiled. Not rotten … and maybe ‘spoiled’ is not the right word. I mean, it’s not like they talk to me any ‘ol kinda way. They don’t demand things … they ask for things and accept the answer that I give. Most of the time. Honestly, I like to be able to do things for my kids. Like taking them shopping more often than once a year for school clothes. Or occasionally taking them out to eat in a restaurant that doesn’t have golden arches. I’m telling you, going school shopping and going to Mc.Do.na.ld’s were two highlights of my childhood and I just want more for my kids.
I think that as long as I teach them responsibility than I can escape the ‘spoiled rotten brat’ syndrome. I learned that lesson from my mother. When I was teenager, I was allowed to drive my mother’s car because I always put gas in it. She allowed me to have a separate phone line in my bedroom because I paid the bill every month. And when I had a job in high school she required a small percentage of my check. And she better not have to ask for it. Every pay day I was supposed to leave the money on my dad’s dresser. It wasn’t much and the amount wasn’t the point. The lesson was the point: nobody lives for free. That was a lesson that has stayed with me to this very day. Either you work or you starve. Don’t look for a free ride and don’t always try to get the hook up. I’m trying to teach my kids the same thing. Hopefully, it’s working.
