When the phone rings at 7:00 a.m. this morning I’m thinking that it’s my son’s best friend wondering if we’re running late. I check the caller id and it’s not him but a friend of mine.
Me: Hello?
Her: Hey … I have a dilemma
Me: Wait a minute … call me back on the cell phone because I’m walking out the door to take the boys to school.
Her: Okay
She calls back
Her: Are you in the car with J?
Me: I’m getting in the car with J.
Her: Well, don’t say anything in front of him that will let him know what we’re talking about.
Me: I don’t even know what we’re we talking about?
Her: (laughs) Well, I can’t seem to find my … massager from Broo.ksto.ne.
Me: WHAT?
Her: I can’t find it.
Me: How the hell do you lose your ….
Her: Massager.
Me: Whatever! Where was it?
Her: In my bottom drawer wrapped up with some knitting.
Me: When was the last time you saw it?
Her: I don’t know … about a week ago.
Me: I’d tell you to retrace your steps but there were probably several glasses of wine between then and now so …. (laughing)
Her: You are hilarious.
Me: Did you check the *Diva’s bedroom?
Her: That was my first thought but she’s home sick today.
Me: What’s wrong with her?
Her: She says she has a stomach virus.
Me: Oh, she says?
Her: I don’t have time to think about that right now.
Me: What about the *Brain? Did you check her room?
Her: She hasn’t left for school yet.
Me: Well, if they were to come across it would they know what it is? I mean, does it look like a massager?
Her: It looks like a d**k.
Me: (laughing hysterically).
Her: It’s not funny.
Me: Yes it is. Did you check in your bathroom?
Her: I never use it in the bathroom because it’s so loud and they would hear it through the walls.
Me: (still laughing) Well, if one of them knew what it was and took it anyway … eeewwwwwww!
Her: I know. I don’t even want it back. Maybe my husband took it and hid it … trying to be funny.
Me: Is that his sense of humor?
Her: I don’t know. He doesn’t even know I have it.
Me: What? What do you mean he doesn’t know you have it?
Her: Well, I may have alluded to the fact that I might get one a few years ago when he was out to sea. But since he’s been back I’m sure he thinks I don’t have it anymore.
Me: (Sarcastically) Of course, because why would you need one now that he’s home? (laughing) He’s so deluded!
Her: Like most men are.
I am going to be giggling about this for the rest of the day. I don’t know what happened to that massager but before I left the house this morning I checked to make sure mine was where it’s supposed to be.
What is meant to be will be
