I’m not expecting sympathy.
I’ve always been thin. I’m about 5’7” tall and when I graduated high school I think I weighed about 120 pounds.
I went off to college and was blessed with the “Freshman Fifteen” and I ballooned (sarcasm) up to 135 pounds. I was able to maintain that weight for eight years. When I turned twenty-six I got pregnant with my son and I maybe gained 25 pounds. But then the strangest thing happened. After he was born I lost all my pregnancy weight plus an additional 15 pounds.
I went back down to 120 and I couldn’t explain why. My mother freaked out, like mothers do. She was convinced that I wasn’t eating. I was eating. She thought I couldn’t afford to buy food. So what did she do? She bought me a bunch of groceries. That was a wonderful thing to do but totally unnecessary. My eating habits hadn’t changed. My lifestyle had changed drastically. I was recently divorced, a new mother to an infant and working full time. I was busy. I was tired. I was running around like a maniac and I couldn’t keep any weight on. I know my family thought I had an eating disorder but since I'd rather cut off my right arm than throw up (yuk) that was highly unlikely.
Keep in mind that both my sisters and my mother are all thick women. So I am constantly surrounded by people who are offering me a pork chop or more gravy. I always have to hear remarks like, “don’t you eat?” And my younger sister made it a habit of calling me a stick figure. I know that was just haterism but we got into many arguments over that mess. As a Black woman, being that thin just ain't cute.
People constantly assured me that once I hit my thirties my metabolism would slow down and my weight would pick up. I got pregnant again when I turned thirty. Again, I gained about twenty-five pounds and once again once the baby was born all the baby weight left. And to add insult to injury, I nursed my daughter for 15 months and she sucked all the perkiness out of my breasts! Thank God for Vic.toria’s Sec.ret bras!
Okay so check this out: after my daughter was born I noticed that I was having problems swallowing food. I found myself choking during a meal maybe three times a week. I thought that I just needed to be more careful and chew my food more thoroughly. But how small can you chew up a grain of rice? It was horrible. It was embarrassing to be at a restaurant and have to excuse myself because a piece of food was lodged in my throat. People were afraid to dine out with me because they didn't know if it would result in a trip to the emergency room. I was so self conscious about choking that I probably wasn’t eating as much as I should. I ate enough to satisfy the hunger but nothing more.
Once I met B and he witnessed me nearly choking to death on a piece of shrimp, he tried to convince me that this was not normal and he bugged me everyday for weeks until I went to the doctor. I hate the doctor. As it turns out I had these esophageal webs that were making swallowing very difficult. I underwent a procedure called an endoscopy and the webs were removed. That was about two years ago.
I no longer have any problems with choking and my appetite is back to normal. I’m forty-one and I think that my metabolism has finally decided to slow down. I’m almost back up to my pre-pregnancy weight – 133 pounds as of this morning. Yesterday, I was at 132.5 pounds and last Friday I was at 132 pounds.
I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal. I’m pleased with how I look. I look good. Real good! No longer a stick figure and my face doesn’t look gaunt and drawn in. But, I can actually feel my butt jiggling a little when I walk. What the hell is that about? And am I going to continue to gain weight at this current rate of speed? Do I have to start watching what I eat? Will I have to go up a dress size? Will I have to buy non-fat sour cream and frozen yogurt? Low fat muffins? Unsweet tea? Spl.enda instead of sugar?
Oh the horror!
What is meant to be will be
