Can you hear that? It’s the sound of violins. Don’t you usually hear violins playing when someone is telling you a sob story?
You are cordially invited to my pity party!!! Aren’t you excited? I understand why you wouldn’t be and I wouldn’t blame you if you left. Hell, I don’t even want to be here. I promise that the party won’t last long … it’ll probably be over once this post is complete.
I have decided that I am either going to be the old scary cat lady on my street that all the kids run from, or I’m going to be the old, desperate lady that waters her dead lawn wearing short shorts and tiny little t-shirts in an attempt to entice the neighborhood boys – like Miss Parker from Friday. Remember that heffa?
I have spent the last 41 years perfecting the art of keeping people at arm’s length. My circle is very small. It’s so small it’s not even a daggone circle. I don’t like to be around a lot of people because people bring drama. If you got drama I don’t have time for you. Sorry.
I’ve never really seen it as a problem. When tough times come, I’m strong enough to deal with them. I’m not in the habit of running to search out a shoulder to cry on. Stuff happens and I handle it. Got to keep it moving.
Well, what about when the happy times come? When something good happens I don’t really have a whole list of folks that I can share those times with. "Success means nothing without someone you love to share it with!" (Billy Dee to Diana Ross in Mahogany, 1975). That mess is true!
Remember when I told you all about the scholarship that I started for students at one of the local high schools? Well, I didn’t tell a whole lot of people in the real world about it because I didn’t want to sound like I was bragging or showing off. I think philanthropy should be anonymous to a certain extent. Anyway, the program was last night and I was invited to come and present the scholarships to the two winners. I went to the ceremony alone, presented the awards and left. I felt so good when I left, I swear I was walking on air. It really feels good to do something for someone else. Well, I wanted to share that feeling with someone … I grabbed my cell phone and called my sister – no answer. I called her house and her cell phone – no answer. I called B – no answer at the house or his cell. Finally, when I got in touch with B, he picks up his phone and says, “I’m eating can I call you back?” My little feelings were crushed.
I ended up going home and sharing my good feelings with my 11-year old daughter and you know what she said? “Did you forget the teriyaki chicken, Mom?”
Bitter Moment: This is precisely why I don’t reach out to people because every time I do they ain’t there for me no way!
I’m back.
Well, since you guys are here I’m going to give you the highlights of the scholarship program.
I get there and I’m noticing that other presenters are carrying packages, plaques, trophies and things of that nature. Damn, was I supposed to bring something? I didn’t know what was expected of me when I was asked to present the scholarships at the ceremony. I mean, when I chose the winners I sent each of them a letter congratulating them and the checks were sent to the school. I’m such an idiot! So I’m watching each presenter walk across the stage and give speeches and give little tangible items to the recipients. Damn, am I supposed to make a speech, too? I feverishly start to make notes on the back of my program.
Finally, I’m introduced and when I reach the podium here is what I said:
I’m here to present the first of what I’m hoping will be many FANAKA scholarships. Since this is the first one I am a little ill prepared. I don’t have brightly colored goody bags or trophies. I don’t even have a certificate. However, I would like the recipients to take comfort in the fact that my checks are good.
The crowd cracked up and applauded. Success!
I spoke a little about my reasoning behind implementing the scholarship than I announced the winners. They approached the stage; I shook their hands and congratulated them. They exited stage left and I exited stage right.
It was a good night. Thanks for sharing it with me.
End of pity party.
What is meant to be will be
