I’ve been blogging for almost a year now. My blog-o-versary is about a month away. Someone once asked me if I had any plans to do anything with my blog.
Do anything with my blog? I never really thought about it.
I started this thing because I wanted an outlet. I had some stuff to say to no one in particular but if I didn’t get it out I would explode. After eleven and a half months it has turned into what you’re reading now. In the beginning I felt extremely comfortable writing whatever was on my mind because no one was reading. Or so I thought. I quickly learned that just because folks aren’t commenting that doesn’t mean they aren’t reading. Thanks sitemeter.
So I became a little more cautious.
Then I started reading other people’s stories of how their loved ones read their blogs and got royally pissed, hurt, offended by what they read. In many cases, people have deleted their entire blogs! I can only imagine the conversations that preceded the eventual clicking of the “Delete This Blog” button.
I cannot imagine deleting my blog. In my mind, my thoughts, my words, my feelings are too damned valuable and I would feel such a sense of loss if I were to delete a years worth of them. That’s probably why I still own every journal that I’ve ever written in since the age of 15.
But at the same time, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I’m hoping that the way I choose to express myself isn’t offensive to those that I love. So I choose not to share this blog with them. Unfortunately, I have found out that it wouldn’t be too hard for someone to find it if they chose to look.
I remember when my beloved found a poem that I published on this site and became enraged. The piece was called “Sticky”. I thought it was suggestive in an abstract sort of way. He thought it was okay for me to behave a certain way with him behind closed doors …but I better not be writing about it. We had a huge fight. I couldn’t apologize for the way I chose to express myself. I just couldn’t. I’m sorry that he was offended but is that really my issue? Is it?
So am I supposed to sensor myself on my own blog in order to spare people’s feelings? That just doesn’t sit well with me.
What is meant to be will be
