I never thought that I would write a post like this but I suppose I should never say never.
I’ve been doing this for just about a year and a day doesn’t go by when I don’t think about posting or read and comment on other people’s posts. Blogging is a strange and wonderful phenomenon.
The url Full House For Now was developed because at this time last year I was going through some serious anxiety because I realized that one day my kids were going to leave me. Don’t get it twisted, I do not want my kids living with me forever but letting them go will still be difficult. And as I said in one of my very first posts, I’m hoping that I’m creating a home environment that my kids will want to visit sometimes after they’ve left. Unlike my home environment … I love my parents and if they didn’t come here every year maybe I would make the trek back home to see them. Maybe. But I cannot remember the last time I was home.
Anyway, I was checking out T. Cas yesterday and he was talking about keeping it real and it got me to thinking. This forum has evolved into something that I didn’t plan and I kind of feel like I’m not in control of it anymore. I know how crazy that sounds but allow me to finish.
In an earlier post, Luke Cage warned readers to bring Kleenex to my spot because they would definitely need them. My content was heart wrenching – a little dramatic but true. A few months back I was voted one of the Hot Female Bloggers by The Princess’ readers. Where the heck did that come from? I asked and she said my posts were thought provoking. Is that what I intended to do? I don’t know.
I’m a walking contradiction. In my real life I am very private and I don’t give up any information about anything … ever. I don’t pick up the phone to chat with anyone and I get mad if the children repeat anything that goes on inside my house to anyone that doesn’t live in our house – including family. There’s nothing shady going on but I just don’t like a lot of people all up in my business. However, by the same token I’ve gotten pretty daggone free with ya’ll … most of you know my name, have seen my face and I tell you all about a bunch of things that I would never share in real life. Remember the missing vibrator? That ish was funny! No, it didn't happen to me but still ... I didn't share that with anyone I know.
So what’s the problem? I guess there really isn’t one but I’ve always felt relatively safe sharing information because, come on, you guys are total strangers from all over the country and I will probably never lay eyes on you … so I’m not pressed about what you know about me and I’m not concerned with what you think about me. It's like therapy. I'm not a stranger to a therapist's office but since I really got into blogging I haven't felt the need. How's that for twisted? Well, somewhere in my twisted way of thinking I didn’t take into consideration that people I know or people that know me could be getting an inside look into my life. I always knew that but I tucked that info into the back of my mind somewhere.
Where is all this coming from? One of my daughter’s teachers commented on one of my posts and it kind of knocked me into reality. The world is just too got-dang small. She didn’t say anything negative … in fact she let me know (among other things) that she saw my daughter at Mikky D’s during school hours. I like the fact that she was looking out and let me know. (Sidenote: I gave my daughter the day off from school to get her hair braided and she went to McD’s during a break for lunch – and my kid told me that she saw her teacher).
I’m a little uncomfortable. The way I see it, I can either strip all identifying information from the blog and go back to saying whatever the hell I want. Or, I can come here and talk about a lot of “safe” nothing. I should probably take a lesson from The Sugar Girl.
I don’t know. I need a minute to think about this. I’ll be around to read and comment but that’s all I can offer right now.
God bless and goodnight.
What is meant to be will be
