“Thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for?”
“Because if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have her.”
That was the phone conversation I had with my ex-husband after we once again watched our daughter perform in a step show. He was thanking me (through tears) for giving birth to her. For some reason we both get very emotional when we watch her. She is so focused and so dedicated and nothing shakes her determination. He says that watching her inspires him to do better. That is some serious shit.
She makes us proud. Not only that (and I’ve said this before) but she makes us forget about how much animosity we once had for each other. When we see her all we think about is the fact that our love created her.
Corny, I know. But true.
During tonight’s conversation he admitted to me that he was jealous of the fact that I get to be with her everyday. It makes him sad that he misses out on so much of her life. I reassured him that the stuff that he does get to witness is only the best stuff. I get the bad report cards and dirty bedroom and the rolling of the eyes. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade any of that stuff for anything in the world.
Divorce sucks. I am so unbelievably grateful for the fact that he and I can be friends and can share in her development in these small ways. She needs both of us. It’s unfortunate that we aren’t part of a traditional family structure. Sometimes I feel guilty about that but I know that guilt won’t make the situation easier for any of us. All we can do is continue to be there for her and love her and let her know that we’ll always be there … even if we’re not together. For years I would do petty things to sabotage his attempts to be her father because I was mad at him. I’m sorry for that. Her well being should have always been the #1 goal.
Now it is. And we’re all better for it.
**I started to post about how what a jerk my ex was for bringing his fiancé to the step show and pretending that I didn’t exist. But after I thought about it I decided that this was a better way to go. After all, had I brought B with me I would have done the same thing. We still have some work to do.**
What is meant to be will be
Remember What's Really Important
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Blessed by chele at 10:24 PM
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