When will I learn? Why is it that my children have the ability to repeatedly hurt my feelings and literally break my heart?
Tonight was my daughter's first semi-formal dance. I was so excited for her. We went shopping last weekend and bought a new dress and shoes. She got her hair done and she looked so beautiful. I thought I would explode with pride. So, why was her lip poked out during the entire process of getting ready for this shin-dig? I didn't force her to go. It was her idea. She brought me the information and asked if she could go. I asked her what was wrong. All she did was shrug her shoulders and say, "Nothing."
I don't get it. Maybe I was too excited. Maybe I should have curbed my enthusiasm. Maybe she was nervous and was playing down her excitement. Or maybe it just wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was. I don't know.
What I do know is that I'm hurt. I was really looking forward to coming home after work and helping her get ready. I pictured us smiling, laughing, taking pictures and being excited together. Instead, her lip is poked out and I'm mad and there was not one single photo opp.
Okay. It wasn't about me. It was her night. But am I not supposed to be interested and excited about what she's doing? Damn. Her friend from school and her father came to pick up my baby for the dance. The father introduced himself and said that he ordered a car to pick up the girls from his house. This is a big night for my baby and I feel like I'm not even supposed to be happy about it.
One thing these damned kids have taught me is that they would rather not do things that involve hanging out with me. Unless, of course it's their idea. If they come to me and say, "Ma, let's all go to the movies!" or "Ma, let's go out to dinner!" That is my opportunity to spend some quality time with my kids and I better jump at it. However, if I bring an idea to them I better be prepared to have my feelings hurt.
Motherhood is hard. I wouldn't trade them in for anything in the world. This is what unconditional love is, for real.
**Update** -- She's home. I asked her if she had a good time. She said she did. She grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and headed for her bedroom. No giggly conversation about how much fun she had or if she danced with any boys. I guess that is reserved for her friends. She did call me from the dance and ask if she could spend the night at her girlfriend's house. I said no. Hey -- I've got to get my pleasure from somewhere.
What is meant to be will be
