The Smart Black Woman (link to the right) did a post today about what is real. Specifically, who we are in the blogosphere versus who we are in real life. Many of you may be scratching your heads and saying, “What? I’m the same person all the time! What are you talking about, chele?” Well, here’s a surprise for you … I am not the same person in the real world that you all have grown to know and tolerate. I’m actually better here. At least I think so.

Let me explain.

In both worlds I am a hard worker. I’m a good mother. I’m a writer. Daughter. Responsible. Yada yada yada. The differences lie in the deep, dark, gritty stuff. In the real world, if you were to survey five people that *think* they know me pretty well you would hear adjectives like: stern, no-nonsense, thinks she’s cute, don’t mess with her … one brave soul may even use the word bitch. I’d be described as hard as nails. Always positive.

That’s all good. I have a really close friend, we’ll call her M. M told me that she ran into someone that I used to work with and this lady couldn’t say enough negative things about me. The main thing being that I think I’m better than other people. M was shocked and defended me to the lady but she would not hear it. I thought this was odd. I knew the woman. We worked in the same department but we barely ever said two words to each other. I would see her and say “good morning” and she would respond but that was about it. I don’t know what I did to give off that vibe. Actually, I think I know what her problem was but I don’t want to get into it because it’s just not that serious. My point is that perceptions can be a bitch.

Now here in blogland I reveal a sensitive side that no one in the real world, save a select few, has seen. I tell you guys stuff about my personal relationships that I don’t tell anyone else. I have told you what I’m afraid of and what keeps me up at night. Hell, I even gave you guys a list of 101 things about myself! You’re welcome. Anyway, here I am sensitive. I am kind. I am understanding. I cry here and I’m not afraid to be weak. That, of course, is a no-no in real life. But why?

I think that for so long I have been painted as this stone-faced brick wall that I have adopted the perception that others have of me. My family would be shocked to learn how many times I have shed tears in the past five months over my relationship with B. I mean, 15 years ago I walked away from my husband while I was carrying his child and never looked back. I was a pillar of strength. But damn, that was 15 years ago! I have gotten older and softer. I don’t know why but things hit me harder now. I’m not so quick to toss people to the side anymore … even though I feel I have changed the people in my life are still hanging onto the person I was 15 years ago. Regarding B, he is one of the few people that have seen the softer side of chele. He has seen me cry and has described me as being “as intimidating as a Hello Kitty purse”. It’s hard to let go of someone who really knows who you are no matter how infuriating he can be. You know what I mean?

This revelation also answers the question of why no one in the real world knows I blog (except for the lurker that I found through sitemeter last week). I think if the real world were to infiltrate the blog world, life as we know it would cease to exist (stolen from Seinfeld). They would either read it and say that I’m full of sh*t or worse, feel sorry for me. Which I know is probably an oversimplification of what would really happen. I’m not pitiful and I don’t think I host any pity parties on here. I’m just honest.

But what would the folks in the real world do if Michele was no longer the “strong, bitchy, she don’t need nobody” gal that they have grown to know and … tolerate?