Remember when you were younger and you had your heart broken? Remember how when you were in the middle of the pain you would wish something awful would happen to the person that hurt you? Thoughts that you would normally view as horrible and disgusting enter your mind with such frequency that it almost scares you. Or is it just me?
However, once you got older thoughts of revenge no longer invaded your mind on such a regular basis. You discovered karma and realized that anyone who hurt you would eventually get what was coming to them and you wouldn’t have to lift a finger. That’s how the universe works.
The Bible says that the Lord will make your enemies your footstool. The 23rd Psalm says “… thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies”. Loosely translated: Living well is the best revenge. I believe that. So we don’t have to lift a finger to make sure that they get got. And if you’re lucky … you’ll get to see it happen. Not that I enjoy the misfortune of others ... but ... you know what I mean.
It was the summer of 1984 and I had just moved home from Boston (i.e. dropped out of college). Me and my girls were hanging out at the basketball courts watching the glistening bodies of the brothas run up and down the court. Different things do it for different people – I like to watch sweaty Black basketball players. It’s very raw and animal-like and sexy as hell. (Can you tell that my recent mood swing has ended?) Anyway, we’re hanging out and I notice this one guy that I wasn’t really that familiar with. He was a little older and had graduated high school before I was a freshman so we had never met. His name was Tim. Tim was of average height but he had a huge barrel for a chest and really thick, muscular thighs. I like my men THICK – almost fat. For me, more weight is always better than less. But there are limits.
After a while we made eye contact, but I have never been bold enough to just walk up and start talking. A man always has to approach me first …once he does, then it’s on. He was taking too long and I was getting bored so I told my girls that I was ready to go. Tim called out to my girl, Charlotte and she walked over to him and they started talking. When she rejoined us she said that Tim wanted to take us to get something to eat. Actually, he told Charlotte that he would take her for some pizza if she would just keep me at the basketball court. Charlotte was greedy as hell and promising her food was smart on his part.
Tim, as it turned out, was the older brother of a girl that my older brother used to date. We talked a lot that night and we made a date for the following weekend. I think we went to dinner and a movie … I can’t remember but it was a typical date. As a young, Black woman I didn’t really know how to date … all I knew was being in a relationship so Tim quickly became my man. And I loved the hell outta that man. He was older, he was sexy and he had really big, strong hands. He was the first man to ever say “Just relax, baby … relax”, while … well … um, nevermind.
Sidebar: Don’t believe it, ladies. No amount of relaxing is gonna make it work.
Anyway, our relationship for one reason or another became quite volatile. I think Tim began to believe his own hype and began stepping out on me. We had quite a few run-ins –keep in mind I was 20 years old and MEAN. During one particular incident, I had decided to go on a double date with my sister and these two dudes. Tim and I were on a break, or so I thought. The four of us were at this club sitting at a table when my sister noticed that Tim had just walked in. She motioned to me and I left the table and went around back toward the restrooms. Tim followed.
Tim: Who’s that?
Me: What?
Tim: Don’t play stupid! Who the hell is that guy?
Me: Why you worried about? It’s not like you want me!
Tim grabbed my arm and knocked over a table and told me not to play with him. I snatched my arm away and rejoined my sister and the guys. My sister already had the purses and coats and was heading for the door. We got the hell outta there before it got really stupid. We left and went to another club and I was able to convince my date that everything was cool. Of course, Tim and I got back together after that. We did a lot of that break-up-make-up nonsense.
Finally, the last straw came after almost three years. My sister had gotten engaged to a guy that she had been dating for less than a year. At that point I realized that Tim was never going to marry me and I was just wasting my time. So I broke up with him. After three years of BS I was tired and ready to leave it alone.
The heartbreak came when less than a year later he asked a friend of mine to be his wife. So I had to deal with the fact that it wasn’t that he didn’t want to get married – he just didn’t want to marry ME. That was a helluva blow for a person with an ego the size of mine. His bride-to-be was a girl that I went to high school with. Nice girl. She and my sister were very close friends and my sister was even going to be part of the bridal party. Now my sister, being who she is, was pissed when she learned that I wasn’t invited to the wedding. After all, the bride and I were friends. Why shouldn’t I be invited? I didn’t care one way or the other and truthfully I didn’t want to go – it would have been very uncomfortable for me. I was dating someone else at the time (the man who would become my first husband) but I still didn’t want to be bothered. The bride ended up calling me and told me that I was invited and she hoped that there were no hard feelings between us. There weren’t any hard feelings but I still didn’t go.
Anyway, years passed and they had two children. I got married and had my children and all is good in the hood, right?
Wrong.
As it turns out, his wife decided after about ten years of marriage that she was really into women. Yeah. She’s a lesbian. She divorced him a few years back and she is now living happily on the west coast.
I think that can be considered karma.
What is meant to be will be
