When a man hits a woman we are outraged and we should be. We rush to judgment and make certain assumptions about the situation. We demand his removal from the home and expect that he will be arrested. We expect her to leave him and never go back and if she doesn’t we say the most terrible things about her.
I have never been a victim of physical abuse. This in and of itself is a miracle because I have a big mouth and don’t always know when to shut up. Not to say that this is justification to be hit – but I’ve seen women hit for less. I have, however, driven men to punch holes in walls, punch out a windshield and drink themselves all the way to the emergency room. It’s not something I’m proud of but I know I can work a nerve.
Something else I’m not proud of is the fact that I have lashed out violently in anger. In other words, a clocked a brotha for disrespecting me. While in a relationship I had received some disturbing news about the object of my affection. I left my office, tracked him down in a restaurant and slapped the taste right out of his mouth -- in the middle of the day in front of witnesses. And felt totally justified in doing so. After the slap heard round the world, I got in my car and sped away leaving him with a swollen face and hurt feelings. He is twice my size so I think the humiliation hurt more than the actual slap.
Is this any different than if he had hit me in broad daylight in a public place? Are you outraged by my behavior? Or are you giggling a little?
Well, he was outraged. He called the police and filed a report. He had a year to go down to the police station and have a warrant taken out against me. He decided to drop the whole thing but for a few months I lived in fear. I had just started a new job and I was terrified that the cops were going to show up and take me away in handcuffs.
He told me that he could never love someone who was physically abusive. Is that what I was? An abuser? I felt horrible after that. I apologized but I knew that wasn’t enough. Is there ever any justification for putting your hands on someone? If the shoe was on the other foot and he had hit me I would have had him arrested, no question. I wouldn’t have accepted the apology and I would always be afraid that he would snap and hit me again.
Is there a difference between a man hitting a woman and a woman hitting a man? Not in the eyes of the law. Why do we view these situations as different and tend to be more accepting of woman on man abuse?
What is meant to be will be
