My head is spinning and sometimes it seems as though my entire life is spinning out of control. I would like to just stop everything for a few minutes and catch my breath. That is not likely.

I have the strength to survive whatever the world puts in my path. Right now, the only thing that is in my path is the day ahead. I'm preparing for my anniversary with my beloved. There was a time when I wasn't sure that we would make it. It's such a struggle...being in a relationship with another. I ask myself if the struggle is worth it. I think it is. I stopped believing in the notion of romantic love quite a few years ago. The belief that romantic love lasts forever is unrealistic. No matter what anybody says it is conditional. Falling in love is based on feelings and feelings change. I don't deny that I am in love and that I can't imagine myself with another man. I admit that. However, there are times when my beloved is not that lovable but I choose to stay with him because he is a good man. I enjoy his company and we have a lot in common. It's not a sacrifice to be with him; I'm not giving up anything in order to be with him. He's easy like Sunday morning. Most times. There are times when he's as difficult as Monday morning.

I was wounded when I met my beloved. He taught me to love again. He taught me that it was okay to let another human being get close. He loved me past my hurt and even though he acts like a spoiled brat and an ignorant bastard sometimes I can't forget all that he did for me early in our relationship. He's a part of me.

Today I have to buy a new shower curtain and some candles. I have to vaccuum the house and change the linen. My daughter needs new sandals and I have to take her across town to spend the weekend with her cousin so Mommy can get her freak on. Tonight we have a gig and we'll play and sing our hearts out and then afterward come back here and start the anniversary celebration. On Sunday we'll check into the suite that I reserved two months ago and drink champagne and relax in a hot tub. We'll sit in front of a fireplace and remember our first date and all the events that have brought us to where we are now. We'll decide if we plan to move forward.

I can't think about the future right now. I have to get through the weekend.