That's the question of the day. Why am I so angry? It would be easy to blame it on something like my divorce. Or my job. Or my mother. But I really believe that it goes deeper than that. I wish I could put my finger on what the heck is the problem so I can work through it and let it go. Being angry takes up a lot of time and energy but not knowing what I'm angry about takes up even more time and energy.

My therapist says that the anger is like an umbrella that covers the deeper meaning behind the anger. It's up to me to figure what the umbrella is covering up. Sometimes it's easier to be angry than to deal with what is bothering me. Anger is comforting. Is that crazy or what? Lately, I've been really angry or really sad. I can't seem to find the joy in my life. Which is odd because I have a relatively good life.

Maybe I'm just using anger as a defense mechanism to keep people at arm's length. For the most part I don't like having a bunch of people around me. I can count the number of friends that I have on one hand -- by choice. When people make an attempt to get too close, I will probably do something to sabotage the relationship. If they hang in there in spite of my outbursts or tantrums than I consider them a true friend.

Maybe I'm mad at myself and I choose to take it out on other people. I'm mad at myself for not finishing college; for allowing myself to be duped by two of the biggest liars that God allowed to walk the earth; for leaving a pretty good job for a horrible one; the list could go on but those are the biggies.

My anger does not stop me from functioning or from doing whatever I want. It's just like an unnecessary weight that I'm carrying around and it's getting heavier and heavier. I'm tired. So my assignment for the week is to figure out why I'm so angry.