I have lived for forty years believing that "surrender" was worse than any 4-letter word. I was always afraid of surrender because in my eyes it went along with being weak and being weak is worse than being dead. Unfortunately, my fear of surrender causes me to resist compromise which makes me a very difficult person to live with. There I've said it. I'm difficult to live with.

To surrender means to give up or to stop resisting. I think our natural instinct is to resist that which we don't understand or are afraid of. If the object of the resistance is something that won't kill you or something that will ultimately make your life better than surrender probably isn't such a bad thing. Easy for me to say. Not really.

What is it that I am resisting at this point in my life? My job, my relationship and the notion that my nest will be empty. That's a lot of resistance and I'm finding myself in a struggle on a daily basis and I am exhausted! Seriously, I go to a job that I hate everyday and a job that I cannot quit because I'm not independently wealthy. The healthy thing to do would be to surrender to the fact that the job is what it is and I can either look for something else or suck it up. I'm looking for something else.

How am I resisting my relationship? The object of my affection wants to move in with me. I prefer our arrangement the way it is: he in his space and I in mine. Not sure how I'm going to resolve that one. If he could just wait until the nest was empty than I could deal with it, of course that won't be for another seven years.

Speaking of my nest...yes it will be empty in seven years. That is not as far away as one might think. Once I hit forty it seemed as though time was spinning out of control and nothing I do will stop that. Surrendering to the fact that I will one day be alone is the hardest thing in the world. But that is what has to happen. I can't keep my kids here -- nor would I want to. I just hope that I am creating a home for them now that they choose to visit every once in a while after they are gone.

Surrender is not synonomous with weakness. Accepting the realities of life shows incredible strength. It takes a strong person to know when to stop fighting a battle they cannot win.