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A while back I submitted a post about Khalil Gibran’s views on Reason and Passion and how the two always seem to be at war.
I thought the following was an interesting spin on the idea of Reason and Passion.
I can’t look at pictures of my kids for long periods of time without tearing up. Don’t laugh – I know I sound like a big mush but I can’t help it. They are absolutely gorgeous people and I get overwhelmed when I think about them for too long. I sit in amazement sometimes because I can’t believe that God allowed me to bring these two into the world. It’s a privilege to raise them. Seriously.
It also amazes me that two people can live under one roof with the same rules and the same influence (me) and be so totally different from each other. I have renamed my children REASON and PASSION because they are so different and they are constantly at war with each other. But like Gibran says, one can’t survive without the other. They don’t know that yet but I believe in time they will figure it out.
My son J is my REASONABLE child. He was conceived in a very REASONABLE and organized fashion. I was married to my first husband for a few weeks when I decided that we were going to get pregnant. I didn’t know anything about watching a calendar or taking my temperature … I thought we had to have sex at every given opportunity so we could have a baby. Not that I had to twist his arm but we did it all the time for the sole purpose of conceiving a child. I remember some nights right afterward I would lay in the bed with my legs in the air just to make sure that his swimmers were going in the right direction.
I got pregnant right away and I was thrilled. Unfortunately, a month after I found out I was pregnant I also found out that my husband was still married to his first wife. I was young and hot-headed so I promptly kicked his ass out of my house and out of my life.
I moved forward with my pregnancy reading every piece of literature that was ever written regarding motherhood. I did all the right things including giving up salt (which I love) and drinking milk everyday (which I hate). I didn’t gain too much weight and in my mind I was the most beautiful pregnant woman that ever walked the face of the earth. Seriously.
Even my labor and delivery was REASONABLE. Even though I delivered four weeks prior to my scheduled due date, J weighed in at a healthy 6 lbs. 1 oz. I was in labor for a while before going to the hospital but once I got there he arrived about five hours later. I delivered him without any drugs … I kept waiting for the pain to become unbearable but it never reached that point. (Don’t hate!)
Since J’s birth he has continued to follow that path of REASON. He thinks everything over before he makes a move. He doesn’t like to take chances and he doesn’t really get excited about anything. He’s very passive and just sort of goes with the flow. I told him a long time ago that lying to me was a waste of time because I would always find out. He still believes that. I remember over the summer he went to a concert to see 50 Cent. He told me that as he was walking out of the amphitheater there was a guy at the exit door handing stuff out. J reached for what was being given and to his surprise it was a condom. He brought it home and gave it to me. He’s fifteen years old and we have had “the talk”. His older-by-three-years cousin is his idol and when he slipped up and got his girlfriend pregnant I told J that I was thinking about buying him condoms -- just in case. He told me that he was disappointed in his cousin and that he wouldn’t do something like that and fifteen is too young to be thinking about having sex. Seriously.
My daughter K is my PASSIONATE child. Her conception was far from reasonable. My second husband and I were madly in love and we could not get enough of each other. I wasn’t on birth control and he was in charge of keeping track of the “safe” times to have sex. I know how dumb that sounds. Anyway, K was conceived using the rhythm method, much like myself … we had planned to have children of our own just not that soon. I think we were married four months before I got pregnant with K.
I was sick everyday for three months during this pregnancy. I gained weight everywhere. I ate what I wanted and did what I wanted. I was a cow – I didn’t glow and I wasn’t pretty. I was sad during that pregnancy. My husband was at sea and it was questionable as to whether or not he’d make it home for the birth. Not to mention I was living in a new city and I didn’t know anybody. I recruited my day care provider to accompany me in the delivery room in case hubby couldn’t be there.
Well, he couldn’t be there. I went into labor and once it started my PASSIONATE child was not letting up. Once she decided she was coming there was no stopping her. She arrived thirty minutes after I got to the hospital. Again, I had no drugs – not because I didn’t want them, there was just no time. Imagine a thirty-minute long contraction. It was not pretty.
K is still extremely PASSIONATE. She wants to experience everything. She signs up for all the activities at school and is quite the social butterfly. Last year she took a hip-hop dance class, a ballet class and was a peer tutor, all while maintaining a B average. She over reacts to most situations and she cries very easily. She's a drama queen. She does NOT believe that I know everything or that I will find out when she lies – however I have proven her wrong several times. I told her that she couldn’t wear makeup until she was 13. Well, this child leaves for school after me and gets home before me. She decides that she will be slick and put on some eyeliner and lip gloss everyday. One problem: she forgot to wash her face before I got home. And even though I caught her in the act that did not stop her from continuing to do it. Her philosophy: I’d rather ask for forgiveness than permission.
So I can’t help but wonder, do their personalities have less to do with how I’m raising them and more to do with how they were conceived?
Does that make sense? For example, I look at me and my two sisters: My oldest sister was conceived after my mom ran away and got married against my grandmother’s wishes. My sister was a wild child and began running away from home at the age of 11. She is now 46 and just recently “found herself”. I was conceived after my mom had an affair with a married man. Suffice it to say, my life has followed a pattern that is consistent with that. My younger sister was conceived after my mom settled down with my stepfather and lived happily ever after. My younger sister has been happily married for 17 years and has three children. I think there’s something to this.
So here I am living with REASON and PASSION. They fight with each other and make it a habit of trying to convince me that one of them is more necessary than the other. I wish some of J’s REASON would rub off onto K and I wish some of K’s PASSION would rub off onto J. Much like the REASON and PASSION that I discussed in the previous post, REASON usually speaks in whispers and PASSION screams at the top of her lungs.
Life at my house is nothing if not interesting.
What is meant to be will be
